Animal Ball Z
by Alumintia
Summary: What happens when Dragon Ball Z meets the rather annoying animals of Animal Crossing? Only the random fruity goodness of humor!
1. Up what?

A.N. I do not own the rights to DBZ or Animal Crossing.

I love fishes 'cause they're so delicious! Gonna go fishin'!

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In some strange turn of events Cell and Frieza found themselves on Earth instead of HFIL. While muscle bound demon workers everywhere screamed as their heads imploded with impossibility, the two villains pondered their situation.

"How is this possible?" Frieza asked in an absent minded sigh. He stared at the palms of his hands then turned them over to make sure that it was all real.

Cell was just as clueless. "I honestly can not remember for the artificial life in me how it all happened. There was bubble gum I think."

"And grated cheese. But it gets fuzzy after that. Why are we here? Out of any place in the universe we end up on Earth? Where is everyone else?" Frieza had gotten over the awe of his new second life and beginning to question it.

Cell shrugged and tucked his arms together across his chest. It certainly was amazing that one of their half assed attempts, both literally and figuratively, of escape had actually worked, but it did not warrant an investigation in Cell's mind. "Well, in any case, we win they lose. Let us go have fun with these miserable humans." Cell sped off towards the nearest city with a vengeful gleam in his eye. Frieza sat down on a nearby rock to review the barage of strange images flashing through his smallish oval head.

Somewhere on Earth…

With a growling gasp, a stern look came over Goku's normally cheery face. He clenched his fist and made wobbly movements with his eye before saying exactly what everyone expected him to. "Did you feel that? It felt like Cell and Frieza! Wait…why am I sensing bubble gum?"

"Of course I felt it, Kakarot! Stop asking me idiotic questions! I don't even know why I came to this stupid barbeque anyway." Vegeta scowled but his gaze remained fixed in the direction which he had sensed the disturbance coming from.

"We're here because these are our friends, mister! You would think with that attitude of yours you would be able to pick up your underwear off the floor! But nooooo, mister Prince of all Saiyans, which by the way is no one now that your planet is destroyed, who can't do a damn thing!" Bulma, who had been standing very close to Vegeta, shouted into his ear.

Vegeta snorted then rasped back, "Maybe if you were a good house keeper and could pick up things like a woman should, there would not be a problem. I bet Goku doesn't have to pick up his own underwear."

Goku gave a big stupid smile. "I don't wear underwear."

"I feel like kicking ass. Let's go investigate," Vegeta grunted, dismissing the entire previous segment of conversation.

"I'll go with you!" the adult version of Gohan sat up from a nearby picnic table where he had been playing Scrabble with Trunks and Goten.

Goku shook his head. "No, son, you're a sissy. Goten? Trunks? You guys want to come?"

"No, we want to finish the game," Goten hollered back.

"Then I guess it's just you and me Vegeta," Goku chuckled. They took a few seconds to power up and then shot of into the horizon.

Some city….

Cell was busy mowing down buildings and strangling fleeing people. Normally, Cell would not have been so mindlessly destructive, but years in the bleak underworld had driven him slightly crazy and vindictive. He blamed humans for all his problems. If they were gone, his soul could have been a plant, an amoeba, or some other half alive thing. Instead he was an android with a program that kept him constantly unsatisfied with the way things were.

It was as this thought crossed his mind that he saw her, a young girl on the roof of a building. Her light pink dress came down to her knees and long golden hair fell over her shoulders. Over her head she held an ipod station which was blaring out "Will you love me, BA-BY? Can't you SEEE? WE were meant to BEEEEEE!" But what caught his attention the most were her eyes. They were bright but sad with the deepest blue irises he had ever seen. They held their gaze on each other. Then he sent an energy blast into the building and blew her up. It was quite the spectacular explosion; the kind of wonderful obliteration that made an evil heart feel two degrees above its normal freeze.

"Cell!" Goku shouted from behind him. Cell spun around in a flurry of anger. The Saiyans had some how managed to sneak up on him but, as usual, had blown any chance of cover by announcing the obvious.

"What do you want, Saiyans?"

"More stupid questions! You really do have a lot of Kakarot's DNA don't you? We are here to kick your ass," Vegeta bellowed.

"Cell!" An oblivious Freiza entered the fray. "It was when we thought about crawling up King Yamma's ass to find a portal! As soon as a group of people think about it, part of that group switches dimensions! That's how we did it!"

There was a swirl of lights and sounds. Cell felt the energy seep from his body. The new constrictions of whichever dimension he was passing into weighed down on his limbs. He could hardly breathe as he crashed into a mat of green mosaic grass. Was he dying again? Was he returning to some dark corner of the underworld?Squeaky voices clamored in the distance. Cell looked up from his sprawled position to see a pointy nose and blue apron.

"I know it's green but it's not a fruit so stop chewing on its foot!" There was a pause as if for a response but it was hard for Cell to make it out in his dizziness. "Well, no. But I think I can hit it up for a binding lease. You know, like the last one. We'll be rich! Well, I will, you can live in your stick hut."

Cell's heavy limbs sunk deeper into a cold rigidness. The already fuzzy world began to fade into a blank darkness until he could no longer sense anything.


	2. Parade of Animals

The next thing Cell felt was cold hard stone underneath him. The soreness he felt was an absolutely puzzling new experience since he was supposed to be, of course, perfection. Cautiously, he put his weight under himself then slowly stood up. The small room was dimly lit with the light coming through the two windows on each side. There was a cassette player in one corner and a book on a box in the other. There was a pause in the blur of thought going through him. Cell spun around. Not only was his head not hitting the ceiling, his steps did not destroy the entire building. With this new discovery carfully logged into his mind, Cell opened the door and stepped out into the sun.

"Hello there Miss, I'm Tom Nook."

Cell made no attempt to move any farther. His eyes shifted from one strange animal creature to the next. A whole parade of them had gathered outside the small one roomed house.

"You just moved here, right? Well a lovely woman such as you will be wishing to buy a house, correct?" The raccoon with a large pointy nose smiled at Cell. There was a small murmur of high pitched animal noises from the rest of the spectators.

"I'm not a woman," Cell spoke warily. He was not sure what to make of this freak show.

"I told you!" A purple cat gasped and scuttled forward. "It's a fruit! A juicy, delicious, talking fruit!" The hungry animal began to drool.

"That's ridiculous!" A penguin with thick yellow eyebrows guffawed. "Fruit doesn't talk! At least, I don't think it does. Maybe we should bury it and see if it sprouts a talking fruit tree." This statement was followed by many agreeing screeches.

"No! No! No! What did I tell you before? It talks, so we can get money out of it!" The raccoon snarled. "Um, what are you exactly?"

"I'm an android," Cell mustered a small amount of pride in this statement. Though he was aware of his despairingly low energy level.

Tom Nook shook his head in disapproval. "Yeah, I really don't care. I meant male or female?"

"Male…technically."

"Good. Do you have any money?"

"No."

"Any family concerned about your return?"

"Uhhhhh, no."

"You see that house you just stepped out of?"

"Yes?"

"It's yours. You are now in debt to me and are my pack mule until you can work off that debt."

"You can't do that to me!" Yet there was lurking feeling in his stomach that without his brawn, this little racoon could do what ever it wanted to.

Nook chuckled,"I can and I did. I'll be at my shop in the corner of town when you want to start working." He turned away and waddled off.

"You might want to listen to him. He's like a mob boss or something," a concerned pink mouse hummed. "But a good guy otherwise, sweetie!"

"Sorry about thinking you were a fruit," the purple cat cheerfully piped in. "My name is Bob, by the way. Nice to meet you."

"I'm Hopper," grumbled the penguin.

"I'm Candi," The pink mouse giggled.

"And I'm Tabby," an eerie voice came from behind Cell. He spun around to come face to face with a freakish blue cat whose large yellow teeth overtook its other features. "You're coooooool." The cat, who was already invading Cell's personal space, took another two steps toward him.

"Welcome to Attervil!" an old hunched over turtle in a top hat cheered to a nearby tree.

Candi waved her stubby little arms in the air. "Over here, Mayor!"

"Oh!" The turtle hobbled over to the gathering. "Welcome to Attervil!"

"What?" Cell was becoming increasingly agitated. He felt like he was being taken along against his will, which in reality was exactly what was happening.

"That's where we are!" Bob laughed. All the animals began to laugh in insanely loud obnoxious bouts.

Cell ran back into the one room house and tried to lock the door only to find, to his terror, there were none. He moved the orange box in front of the entrance and waited until he no longer heard the laughing. Carefully, he moved the box away from the door and peeked his head outside. The circus of animals had dissipated. Cell ventured out into warmth of the sun. Trees with strange rings on them swayed in a pleasant breeze that smelled like peaches.

It only took a few seconds of hard analysis for the android to gather his resolve. Cell sighed and made his way to the corner which he had seen that Nook monster run off to. These rabid animals were awful to say the least, but if he was going to survive this place with a nearly non existent power level he would need to assimilate…for now.

In a place called Mintvil…

"You guys are great! All this fruit and fish! I could sit here and eat for days!"

"Yes, Goku! Please eat up. A fine turkey like you should be nice and plump so that we-I mean-you can have a wonderful Thanksgiving in a few months time," Nook (Mintvil's Nook) said. Goku had amassed his own audience of animals, all of whom smacked their lips as the raccoon spoke.

"Uh, not to insult you guys or anything but, I'm not a turkey. I'm a human," Goku spat through mouthfuls of fruit and fish.

The crowd groaned, turning on a dime to leave.

The raccoon growled, "Just come by the shop in the morning, you can help me out there until we figure out what to do with you."

To be continued…


	3. Thank you Bob

When Cell first saw the sign that read Nook's Cranny he half expected it to be the garbage disposal for the real place of business. The set up of this evil little monster's headquarters was nothing more than cardboard like wood planks lined up with a sheet of rusty metal for a roof. Then he spotted the animal he was looking for.

"Nook!"

"Yes, Cell?" The blue apron clad animal asked as if he had no idea what was going on.

"I-I have arrived t-to work," Cell stuttered out not in apprehension, but in disgust. Those words felt like rubbish on his tongue. He was fairly certain he was going to gag.

Nook set down one of the oddities he had been looking over in a pile of junk in the far corner. "Excellent! I have a few chores with your name on them! Starting with planting flowers to beatify this little plot."

"You can't be serious."

"You indignant little bug, I pegged you for a trouble maker from the start. Don't cause problems, got that? Or you'll be in a world of pain. You have to play by the rules to make it any where around here," Nook snapped. There would be no room for the fake kindness the racoon had offered other residents. The fact that Cell even questioned his surroundings put him two steps above the rest. Warning ached in the back of Nook's head. It did not help that the android did not know his place.

"Fine, where are these _flowers_?"

"Here!" Nook reached into his apron and pulled out about twenty bags of flower seed and tree saplings. "Go plant pretty things! It makes the other residents happy."

"…I can't carry that much stuff."

"Well, maybe you should wear a dress with pockets like the rest of the animals here."

Over in Mintvil…

"I wanna go fishing!"

"Listen, Giku."

"Goku."

"Whatever, you can fish later; right now I need you to do some chores for me so that you are not a drain on my pocketbook…. You know you can sell those fruits."

"No, I'd rather eat them," Goku happily coughed through unholy large bites of his handful of apples. "They are so delicious!"

"Goku! Please! Pay attention! Oh, goodness, I was never good at this kind of thing. Maybe I should give my cousin another call. He seems to be doing well with his newcomer."

"A new person? Hey! What did he look like?"

"I don't know, looks are bottom on my list of concerns. I don't even know if the thing is a person. Do you know how many random strangers just happen to show up in this technically unincorporated town? "

"Where is he? I want to meet him!"

"He's in another town. Now if you could at least try and work of some of the debt you owe me…"

"Good bye!"

"Wait! Where are you going?"

"To another town, it might be my friend! I might come back, you know, for the apples!"

Goku dodged around a few trees and began to run around in search of a way out of town. Upon the third time passing Goku finally looked up at the big metal arch and half of a green roof that led to the rail station. There was a cheerful little monkey waiting on the platform. Goku dashed to his brethren.

"I want to go to a different town!"

"Have you talked to your gyroid yet?"

"What's a gyroid?"

"Oooook! It remembers all you what you do and does an exotic dance in front of your house. Mostly it just makes Mr. Resetti happy if you talk to it before you do anything."

"Yeah, but I don't really care about Mr. Rissle-frazzle. I just want to find my friend."

"Ook! Just take the next train out."

"How do I know it's the right one?"

The monkey shrugged. "It's always right."

"Isn't that a little creepy?"

"I don't think about it too hard. Ook!"

"Sounds like a normal day for me!"

Attervil…

"Just skipped town you say? Well how do you know he's coming here?" Nook's voice carried through the cracks in his hillbilly shack out to ever so slightly but they caught the attention of an incredibly alert Cell. He put down the bag of seeds he had been spreading on top of the uniform/dress he had refused to wear and silently slipped towards Nook's Cranny. What in the world was this raccoon getting phone calls about?

"Yes, that's true. Kind of creepy isn't it? … No I try not to think about it too hard. Okay, I'll just get to the train station before anyone gets to him…. No, I'll make a new batch when I have the time. Good bye, Tom," Nook slammed the phone onto the table. The round little raccoon ran out the rickety frame of a door towards the train station. A few seconds passed before Cell crept along, following Nook. He hid behind a pine tree and made a silent prayer that this new person or thing would be the one to tip the scales in his favor.

A few moments later a small train whistled through the station. "Welcome to Attervil! OOK!"

Cell couldn't quite see the commotion through the peach trees but as soon as he saw the flash of bright orange material he slumped down behind the foliage to simply listen. That fashion disaster was recognizable anywhere as Goku. If Nook did not like Cell, he was going to get one HFIL of a kick out of this crazy Saiyan.

Goku's eyes opened wide in excitement. "Hey! You ran really fast Tom!"

"I think you're mistaking me for Mintvil's Tom Nook, he's my cousin, I'm Tom Nook of Attervil."

"Oh, well, hi! I'm Goku! Hey you guys have peaches! Those look delicious!"

"Goku, you're in hot water. Do you know you skipped town on debt?"

"What? I'm just here to find my friend. Maybe eat a little, but mostly I'm here for my friend."

"Well, uh, no friend here."

"You don't even know what he looks like!"

"I don't have to!" Nook asserted to the warrior. The determination to undermine everything lit up his face.

"He kind of looks like me except a lot shorter and bushier. He was wearing a pink collared shirt the last time I with lime green trousers!"

"Did you say pink?"

"Yep."

"And lime green?"

"Yes."

"I think Bob ate him."

"What!?"

"Yeah, this thing was just lying on the ground and it didn't look like an animal. Bob saw how colorful it was and gobbled it up. It did look like you a lot actually."

"He ate Vegeta? This Bob must be one evil and powerful monster."

"No, he's just a purple cat that wears a dress."

Cell could hardly contain himself. His suppressed heaves of laughter caused him shake. He even had to put a hand over his mouth so he would not be heard.

"You're cooooool," A low windy voice whispered directly into his ear. Cell did not even have to turn his head all the way to see large yellow teeth which let long sighs of moist air whistle through them with every breath. Cell froze. It was leaning in from its already close position. "Remember me? I'm Tabby. We SAW each other. Remember that? That was cooooool. We should hang out."

Cell tried to shove the creepy little demon cat away but found that, at his horridly low energy level, he could only manage to put his hand on the thing's face. The cat gradually turned the corners of its gigantic mouth upward in a toothy grin.

If Cell could have at that moment, he may just have screamed. But like his fight with Gohan, instead of letting himself feel utter heart stopping fear, he panicked. In one swift motion he got up and bolted forward, unaware of who may or may not have seen him. In an instance of clarity Cell realized that running aimlessly was not only pointless but dangerous. The twig pile of a shop that was Nooks was soon under his barrage of overly high paced thinking and scrambling. He dug through the pile of junk Nook had in the far corner. Cell surprised himself by finding exactly what he was looking for. It was a map. Not only was it a map, but it had all of the resident's houses on it. Perfect! Perhaps this place would not be so treacherous after all.

To be continued!


	4. Bob the Hero

AN/Ever get that yucky 'what the hell' feeling? Yeah, that's kinda this chapter.

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Cell crashed his way through the barrage of trees. Soon he heard a rushing sound and light roar of water falling over a cliff. The air itself tingled with fresh moist droplets. He broke through the last few branches to come to a clearing. The waterfall he had been expecting sparkled in the sun behind a squat red roofed house. Sitting by the small pool that lay at the bottom of the waterfall, dangling his feet off the edge off the edge of the grass, was a familiar purple cat in a floral dress.

Guardedly, Cell approached this strange animal still unsure of what to expect from any of the rainbow vomit that was the town of Attervil. "Excuse me, but may I ask you a few questions?"

Bob gave an unsurprised smile up toward the android. "Hello, Not Fruit!" He chimed in a deep manly squawk.

"Bob…its Bob right? Um, how do I get out of town? I need to get away from Nook," Cell gritted his teeth in the sweetest voice he could gather but still knew it had ended up sounding like a death threat.

The whimsical smile across the animal's face went from pleasant to frantic in a split second. "Do you hate me?"

"…I don't really think that is an appropriate question at the moment…"

"So you do hate me!! I said I was sorry."

"Considering you killed my enemy, I suppose I do not hate you."

"Then we're friends!"

"I never said that…"

"WAAAAAAAH! You hate me! I knew it! WAAAAH!"

"No! No! Stop that ear shattering noise! WE ARE FRIENDS!"

Bob's smile returned abruptly. "Yea!"

"Okay, now that we are friends Bob I need you to tell me how to get as far away from Nook as possible."

"Is Nook a fruit?"

"No. He's the raccoon that bleeds bad nature."

"Not a fruit, huh?"

"This is getting nowhere. Bob…this just a shot in the dark, but are you good at manual labor?"

"Fru…"

"No, it is not fruit either. How about you go north and plant a ton of flowers? I will pay you with fruit," Cell accented the last part of this statement to entice him, but there was no real need.

Bob came to almost military like attention. "I can plant! Hand me the flowers!"

"They're up by Nook's shop."

"Why didn't you just put them in your dress pockets?"

"I don't have pockets. I don't wear dresses."

"You should! It's useful for hiding things like fruit. I hate it when my fruit gets stolen. Or maybe it just rots away. Here! Take my dress!" Bob tore the yellow and green flower print dress off his own body and nearly suffocated Cell trying to shove it over his head. Finally he managed to pull the dress over the gasping and wriggling newcomer. Bob stepped back he beamed with admiration for his own handy work. Dressing someone else was probably the single most intricate thing he had done in a month. "It matches your…um…it matches you!"

Cell smoothed out the wrinkles. He thought for a few moments before deciding not to rip the dress, and Bob, to shreds. An idea was forming in his mind that just might include wearing a floral dress and planting flowers.

"Alright Bob, go plant that stuff."

Bob did a small summersault then ran off naked into the woods. Well, 'naked' taking into account that he was a purple a cat. As for Cell, he pulled out the map to the village and looked for other houses of interest. He had been right about Bob; the fur ball was easy to manipulate. Too bad he was dumber than a box of rocks. Hopefully he could guess correctly about the others as well. Alas, if only they could have a slightly higher IQ. A small almost invisible smile crept onto Cell's face as one of the names on the map rang out success upon a second glance.

Cell rolled up the map. The pretty green and yellow dress stretched tightly across his chest but he still managed to fit the paper into the ridiculously large pocket. With the dress only really covering about half his torso and his wings now bound awkwardly tight, Cell puffed his chest in pride and strutted on through the forest in full dignity.


	5. Your Name is Yummy

"Hm, I really thought someone would be here, this place almost takes up an entire plot of land

"Hm, I really thought someone would be here, this place almost takes up an entire squarish thing of land." Cell had his finger on the primitive hut drawn on the map.

"Here!" a bubbly soft voice called out. A little pink mouse hopped up and down before dashing towards Cell in a flurry of over joyous disembodied song and blizzarding petals. "Hiya, Not Fruit! How've you been, sweetie?"

"Hello, Candi. You do know my name is Cell?"

"Where's the candy?! Is Cell a fruit?!"

"No, you are Candi, I am Cell."

There was a pause in the tiny mouse's one animal party atmosphere as she gave the android a suspicious and rather disgusted look.

"Fine, I am 'Not Fruit'."

"I knew that already, silly!"

"No, I mean…never mind I guess that's right. You are a pretty smart mouse, right, Candi?"

"Candy?! Where?!"

Cell let his tightly dress-bound shoulders droop. The normal peeved expression that he had suppressed for the last few seconds let itself loose. "If there was a contest in the village for matching a fruit with a drawing of a fruit, you would win, right?"

"I did that!"

"Wonderful, now do you know a way out of the village?"

"The train! It takes you to whatever village you want to go to."

"What if I don't want to go to a village?"

"You come back here."

"Okay, is there any other way out of the village?"

"By boat. You go to an island. There is one animal that lives there. He's crazy and the captain of the boat is a 'ped-o-phile.' That's the biggest word I know!"

Cell regrouped as his plans were shot down left and right.

"Where does Nook get supplies for his shop from?"

"They come by magic carpet delivery, of course."

"Of course," Cell grimaced. "One last question, is there anything sharp in this village that cuts things?"

"An axe."

"There are axes in this place?!" He knew full well that the axes themselves were likely to be defected. Yet there was always the potential for a pseudo weapon.

"Yeah, Nook sells them. I use mine to dig holes!"

"You mean chop trees?"

"Happy dust!"

"I think that is all the use I can get out of you for now. Farewell, mouse." The words of parting were useless on his part as the pink blur had already run off chasing a cricket.

Cell's feeling of control began to rise. The more he could manage things the more he felt comfortable. After all, information was the only commodity of real value to him at the time. Pressing the right buttons for the animals would lead to a wealth. Things were lying in to place. Little by little, Cell could piece this world together, like the when he had gathered the fragments of his broken energy back in place; after he regressed in order to travel through time.

"BLuuubbbaaablehhhhhhhbllllubbbbb!" A revolting gurgle began to spill out of a rather large tree with a stone attachment some ways off. It was, in fact, a fountain. Although it was among the lesser of surprising things for that day, Cell could not help but marvel at the sheer stupidity of having a fountain sitting idle in some forsaken woods inhabited by animals clearly not capable of cleaning it, let alone maintaining it.

"HI!"

Cell, certain that the creeper cat Tabby was behind him, took two steps running before he turned to look. "Oh, it's just you, Goku."

"HEY! Have you tried these peaches? They are delicious! I could eat these all day. Oh, right! I have been eating them all day! Speaking of which," A dark shadow fell across the saiyan's face. "Have you seen the monster called Bob? I have to avenge my friend!"

"No, there was a purple cat leaving town this morning though."

"Thanks, Cell, I knew that once we were put in a similar position, you and I could turn out to be friends. Just like all my other enemies I didn't send to HFIL." Goku, again, haplessly wandered out of sight.

Cell quickly and happily forgot Goku as the fountain resumed filling the air with the noxious churning of water. "What is it that you are going on about, fountain?"

"Save the town!"

Cell paused before deciding he was indeed not crazy and the bubbling mass attached to the large tree was talking. So he decided to retort in his normal defiance of all things helpless. "I refuse to save this ridiculous town. What could it ever do for me?"

"If you save this town….you will receive a prize worth keeping."

"What would you have me do? Murder some villagers and use their corpses to fertilize your roots?"

"No, you simply need to chop and plant trees."

"You are as loony as the rest of them! Why would I want to do that for some idiotic inanimate object?" Cell stormed off not because he was mad but because this tree/bubbling mess led him to believe in a small amount of hope, an emotion the village tended to suck right back into itself. Goals were his everything and the fountain offered a definitive one plus an unknown prize. Unknown prizes had always done him great favors in the past. Would he let himself believe in it?

Later…

A menacing silhouette fell across the slow stirring water of the fountain. The giant shivered, all of its leaves chattering in hushed reverence. A tiny diabolical smirk reached the shadow owner's pale face. He stood fast as the bottom of his overstretched pretty floral dress halfheartedly tried to billow along with the leaves.

"Well, fountain," Cell sighed as he gripped his new (stolen) tinfoil like axe in one hand and bounced the belly of it off the other. "Perhaps we can reach an alliance."


End file.
